Sunday, December 4, 2011

Half a World Away

At this point in life I should be having the time of my life, for the most part I am. I have the most amazing boyfriend who I would follow to the ends of the earth and back. I have the most amazing friends who are fun and outgoing. There's something missing though. I can't quite put my finger on it but there is something missing and I think it starts with the friends I've lost or just don't feel as close  as we once were. Something inside makes me feel like those friends were there to cry on, to trust. Now lets not think I can't trust my current friends because I do, I trust them.  But in my mind I trusted my "past" friends with much much more than I have ever confided with my new friends. I went through a phase in middle school where nothing was right and every thing was on a steady down hill roll and they were always there for me, they were the shoulder that I chose to cry on or the ear through the phone that I would sob to.
I'm not completely sure that's the reason I feel the way I'm feeling right now. I just feel different like there's a void. I sort of feel like I'm not doing the teenage thing. I feel that by being "good" I'm missing out on the high school experience that everyone talks about years later. The sex the booze and the drugs never really appealed to me. But now at this very instant in my life they do I feel like I need them to be a teenager and I know that sounds extremely juvenile and that no one needs them to have fun, and I'm not saying I need them, all I'm saying is that there should be something more to this high school experience. Something more something better or is this as good as it's gonna get?
I'm a sophomore and I have never once been to a high school party.... let me rephrase that I've never been to a party where illegal substances were involved. I don't necessarily want to go for the illegal substances I just want to go because it's part of high school and it's a part I have yet to experience.
I think all I'm trying to say is that things are changing and I am one of them, I have friends that I barely speak to anymore and it's not because we got into a fight it's just that we grew apart. and I have new wants I want what every high school-er wants -to fit in- sounds cliche I know but in so many ways it's true. I just want the standard high school experience. That's it.

No comments:

Post a Comment